Chapter 16
A Community of Tennessee Writers, Readers & Passersby

Book Tours on Ice

David Sedaris has a very particular reason for looking forward to his reading in Nashville

David Sedaris is not the only writer in America who can sell out a four-thousand-seat theater or sign autographs for ten hours at a bookstore event, but he’s almost certainly the only one who’s achieved that level of popularity exclusively as a writer of essays. Famous for his appearances on NPR’s This American Life and his essays in The New Yorker, Sedaris is the literary equivalent of a rock star—so much so that he and his partner, artist Hugh Hamrick, moved to Europe years ago to give Sedaris more time for writing. He is currently on an author tour for his new book, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls.

Sedaris spoke with Chapter 16 by phone about his upcoming reading and signing at Parnassus Books in Nashville, the difference between his lecture and bookstore tours, and the true meaning of Christmas. Click here to hear a podcast of the interview. [A word of warning for those unfamiliar with Sedaris’s work: his language does get a bit salty at times. This transcript has been lightly edited for ease of reading online, but Sedaris’s words have not been changed.]

Chapter 16: Here I am thinking I’m talking to one of the biggest people in the world, and the clerk, when I called in at the hotel, said, “Who??”

Sedaris: Yeah. I mean, sometimes when you’re on a book tour, you think, “Oh, well, look at all these people here at the bookstore.” So it gives you a false idea of it: people actually know who you are. But it’s just a false one. Luckily, you’re convinced otherwise when you check into your hotel.

Chapter 16: Do you have any observations about your audience – specifically, people who read the books as opposed to those who listen to the audiobook versions?

Sedaris: I find that people who listen to the audiobooks tend to be apologetic about it, you know? “Oh, I’m so sorry, I don’t read your book; I listen to it.” And I’m a big audiobook listener, so I never quite understand what they had to feel so bad about. I mean, there are books that I read as well, but I like how an audiobook kind of comes into your world. When you’re reading a book, you go into the world of the book. But when you listen to the audiobook, the book comes into your world and says, “What do you need to do today?” And you say, “Well, I need to go to the laundromat.” And the audiobook says, “Oh, OK. I’m free. I’ll go with you.”

Chapter 16: Do you tend to listen to more fiction or nonfiction in audiobook form?

Sedaris: I find fiction is easier with audiobooks. When I first moved to England, I thought, “Oh, I should know more about this place.” And so I got a book on the history of the monarchy. And within the first paragraph, so many names had been thrown at me that I couldn’t possibly keep them straight. That often happens with nonfiction books; it tends to be information more than story. So that can be a little bit harder to keep track of.

Chapter 16: I listen to your books myself. Since I first heard you on This American Life so many years ago, I’ve always just enjoyed listening to you. When I was listening to this book, I heard “Atta Boy,” I realized I had heard it on your BBC Radio 4 series, Meet David Sedaris. How did you come about to have a show on Radio 4?

Sedaris: I think I had just started on the radio in the United States, and I got a letter from a guy in England who was then working for the BBC. He had read something I had written; I think it was published in The Observer or something. He was wondering if I would ever consider doing anything for the radio. And I said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m already on the radio here.”

So he came over to New York, where I was living at the time, and recorded a few things that were then put on the BBC. And then, gosh, I think about three or four years ago he proposed a show to the BBC called Meet David Sedaris. In that show I record in front of a live audience, and it’s eight half-hour segments. I can pretty much do whatever I want to, and he arranges things so that they’re the proper length. You can say a lot more on the BBC than you can in the United States, but if you have, like, a particularly strong four-letter word on there, they’ll have a meeting about it, and then they’ll debate. If the line gets a laugh because of that word, then they’ll either try to keep it, or bleep it. But if it seems gratuitous to them, then they vacuum it out. I like how much thought they put into it. I’m recording another series for them in September, and I just do it in a theater in London that’s attached to Broadcasting House, where they record a lot of live programs.

Chapter 16: So it’s not moving up to Manchester with so much other BBC stuff?

Sedaris: No, this one is in London, but I am going to go to Manchester. Twice a year I go on these lecture tours in the United States and read in theaters. So I’ve been doing that in London, right? When I started reading out loud in London, the audience was about ninety percent American. And now it’s flipped: ten percent American and ninety percent British. So now I’m going to start doing theater shows in Manchester. I believe I’m going to Liverpool and we’re going to see how that goes. Because it’s gone pretty well in London. But I don’t know. When you’re recording something on the radio, it’s hard to imagine anybody listening to it. You know, you can’t picture who those people are. And then I come to the United States and I think, “Oh, that’s who these people are.” So maybe in time I’ll come to have a vision of them in the U.K., but right now I really don’t.

Chapter 16: I’ve heard that, at least in the standup-comedy world, the British audiences can have a lot of hecklers in them. How have the lectures gone?

Sedaris: Well, a piece of paper really protects you from that, you know? If you’re reading out loud, people generally distinguish between a reading and a standup-comedy performance, I find. I’ve never been heckled in my life.

Well, OK, once. I was in Chicago. But it didn’t count as heckling, really. I was doing a show at the Steppenwolf Theatre, and this woman who seemed to be in her eighties started berating me from the audience. But I didn’t say anything back because she was so old and it just doesn’t look good to be rude to an older person. I think she had just wandered in. I don’t think she knew who she was coming to see, and I think some of my language troubled her. But I guess what I didn’t understand was why she didn’t just leave. She sat in the audience and berated me for a while, and then, I don’t know, she just ran out of steam and just sat there quietly for the rest of the show.

Chapter 16: So it’s all along the lines of, “Oh, you’re talking dirty. Please stop that.”

Sedaris: Yeah. But generally I find if you have a piece of paper in your hands—and a book is better still—people distinguish between that and comedy. I was reading last night, and somebody’s phone went off, but, you know, stuff like that happens. In China they just talked in a normal tone of voice while I was reading. It was as if I wasn’t there. But if you stop for any reason and engage with somebody, that’s infinitely more interesting than reading something off a page. You know, the words on the page are the same words today, and they’re going to be the same words tomorrow and next week and ten years from now. Whereas if you’re engaging with somebody, that’s inherently more interesting. Anything can happen, right?

Like even if I start reading a story and then I realize somebody’s videotaping it? I hate it when people do that. I would never stop and say, “Would you please stop videotaping me.” Because then you might as well not pick up the story again. It’s over. I would say something maybe at the end of a story, but I won’t interrupt a story for any reason. Whereas live comedy—I was talking to a comedian the other day; he just lives for that. It doesn’t bother him at all when people heckle him. He jumps right into it. It’s fun for him.

Chapter 16: So how do you keep it interesting for yourself if you’re reading the same thing for a thirty-night tour?

Sedaris: Well, I mix it up every night. Like I was in San Jose at the end of my lecture tour. Right now I’m on a book tour, but it started as a lecture tour. So I started my tour on April 2, and now it’s like—I don’t know—May just won’t end, will it? This is like May 300th. And I was reading in theaters, and I’d been at it for about five weeks, and then I was in San Jose, California. And I went into this theater, and they just had the best sound system. They had a monitor onstage, and I could really hear myself while I was reading. A monitor makes a huge difference. And I was so into it. It was one of the best readings of my life. The same had happened in Toronto. I read things in Toronto that I’d read thousands of times before, but they just kind of came to life and excited me in a brand-new way. And part of that had to do with the monitor.

Or if I know somebody in the audience. When my sister Lisa came to my show in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I had a new story and I was so looking forward to her reading it. And so that made it interesting for me. Or every now and then, you’re reading and you’re just kind of floating away from the podium. I don’t like it when that happens. And I have to say, it doesn’t happen that often. I’m almost always engaged with what I’m reading. But a few nights ago I was reading in a bookstore, and it was kind of attached to a restaurant, and you could hear plates and forks. You know, I just had to muscle through it. When you’re on a book tour, you just have to muscle through it. It’s not the ideal situation: you have a sound system that’s probably not that good, and the lights don’t go down in a bookstore. And I don’t like it when I can see the audience. But I like book tours, so I do it.

Chapter 16: So what’s the difference between a lecture experience and a bookstore experience for the crowd, when they see you?

Sedaris: Well, for a lecture, people bought tickets. I don’t have anything to do with the ticket price or anything, but every now and then people will ask me to sign a ticket stub, and I think, “Wow, really? It costs that much?” So they pay maybe they pay fifty bucks, but they get a comfortable seat and the lights go all the way down and I read for an hour, and then I answer questions or just kind of run my mouth for another half an hour. Usually in a bookstore the most you would read is for half an hour and then answer questions for fifteen minutes. It’s hard to listen to something when you’re standing up. A bookstore is just not as conducive to relaxing and letting yourself go and getting caught up in a story.

And I tend to talk more in a bookstore than I would in a theater. The Q&A is more interesting, I think, because it’s engaging with people and it’s more volatile. Not that anything bad ever happens but it’s more engaging, I suppose. And book signings last longer in a bookstore than they do in a theater, I don’t care how big the theater is. Probably the biggest theater I ever do is the Chicago Theatre or the Auditorium Theatre, and those are probably 3,800 seats. But my bookstore signing in St. Louis the other day was much longer than I’ve ever signed books at the Auditorium Theatre, even if I have a brand-new book out. I think people in the theater look around and think, “Oh my god, I’m not waiting in line for all these people.” Plus in a bookstore it could be arranged in such a way that people can leave and come back. You know, they go home for dinner. They know I’ll still be there when they get back. So people come and go, and they don’t tend to do that as much in a theater.

Chapter 16: And no pictures.

Sedaris: Night before last, in St. Louis, I signed books—not the reading part but just the book-signing part—for nine hours and twenty minutes. That’s just sitting on my ass, signing books for nine hours and twenty minutes. But if I did the picture thing, then it would have been like, I don’t know, twelve hours. Because everyone has a camera, and then they hand it to the person behind them, and then you pose, and then the camera doesn’t work right, and then they have to give that person a little photography lesson and then you try it again. It takes a long time. And I just hate having my picture taken, so I thought, “Well, why don’t I just get rid of the thing I hate, and then I’ll love everything.” So I got rid of the part that I hate, and now I love everything about it.

Chapter 16: Do you have to do exercises before you go on a tour, to make sure your hand and arm are up for all that signing?

Sedaris: I try to masturbate three times a day before I start my tour.

Chapter 16: That’s pretty impressive for a man of your age.

Sedaris: Three times a day for a month, to get my wrist and my hand in shape. That’s my regimen.

Chapter 16: In the new book you also talk about how you like to give little presents away, especially to teenagers in the audience. What can they expect, possibly, at Parnassus?

Sedaris: Well, I have the shampoos and conditioners from my hotel, and I have jewelry that I’m giving away. The Museum of Contemporary Art gift shop in Chicago—I think it’s the best museum gift shop in the United States—and so I buy bracelets for teenagers. They cost $2.75 each. I don’t charge for teenagers but I always tell them how much it costs because I would hate for them to think I was being cheap, you know.

I always have something. You know, sometimes people give me things and, you know, I take them to the next town and give them away to somebody else. I mean, some things I keep, but some things, they’re unwieldy maybe, or it’s not my thing, and I wouldn’t want to embarrass somebody and tell them that. Like I don’t eat chocolate, and a woman the other day gave me a little box of chocolate. It was four chocolates in a box and it was a really nice box, and the chocolates were obviously very nice. But that’s like poison to me. I can’t eat it. But I didn’t want to embarrass her, so I said, “Thank you so much.”

And the next night I gave them away to a teenager. I said, “I bought these chocolates just waiting for the exact perfect person to give them to, and it was so obviously you. You were so obviously that perfect person.”

Chapter 16: So with the publication of the story “Understanding Understanding Owls,” do you get more owls—kind of like spite gifts—or has it lessened the amount of owl gifts you get?

Sedaris: The title of the book has a lot to do with me getting owl stuff. I’ve gotten so much owl stuff on this tour. A woman in Memphis gave me a crocheted owl, and it’s pretty big. You know, it’s a pillow and it’s a crocheted owl. But I realized that I could put it on top of my head and then button my jacket around it so it would look like I had an owl head, and it’s just great. I mean, she made it herself, and it was really, really a nice present. I was going to be in North Carolina the next day, and I saw my sister Lisa there, and so I gave it to her, and she’s going to give it to me when we go to the beach at the end of my tour, and I’ll bring it back to England with me. That was a keeper.

I’ve gotten a pocket watch with an owl on it. I’ve gotten an owl pin. I’ve gotten – oh, gosh, someone else made me an owl cushion but it’s not crocheted, it’s made out of cotton. Owl notebooks, a little owl Ziploc bag that you put your sandwich in. Yeah, I’ve gotten a lot of owl stuff. There is one owl thing in particular I really want. I am hoping that Hugh—my boyfriend, Hugh—will get it for me. I mean, I’ve dropped enough hints. I don’t want to buy it for myself; I want someone to buy it for me as a gift for my book. I don’t want to have to buy it myself. I would feel like I really failed if I had to buy it myself. I’m pretty good about, you know, zeroing in on something and then harassing people until they buy it for me.

Chapter 16: Like the model of the throat?

Sedaris: Yeah. And also I saw something in a flea market in London, and it was a snuffbox carved in the shape of a French hunchback, shitting—right? And there was a little turd coming out of his ass. And I originally thought about getting it for my sister Amy for Christmas, and then I found out how much it cost, and then I realized, “Unh, I don’t know that she would appreciate it as much as I would.” So I petitioned and petitioned and harassed Hugh, and I got it for Christmas. Delighted to receive it for Christmas.

That’s the thing: when I meet people who don’t like Christmas, it’s their own fault, you know? Christmas is all about gifts. That’s what it’s all about. If you’re expecting it to be about anything else, then you have a real problem. You know, if you expect it to be about family and togetherness—it’s about presents. And you can get what you want. You just have to be manipulative, you know? You just have to learn how to successfully manipulate people, and I guarantee you, you’ll love Christmas.

Chapter 16: Do you think having so many siblings helped you out with the manipulation skills?

Sedaris: Yeah, actually I do. Most of the people in my family are pretty into Christmas, too, so they’re pretty thoughtful people. We work really hard on finding each other good gifts, and we take pride in it. So, you know, I think we’re pretty good at that.

Chapter 16: And you’re a creative bunch. What do you attribute that creativity to?

Sedaris: Golly. I don’t know. I don’t know where that comes from. I mean, my parents, they weren’t especially creative people. My dad picked up a paintbrush one day, and it was kind of surprising how good he was. He painted like a dozen pictures and then he stopped. If he was going to push you in any direction, it was a direction that would get you out of the house, basically; it would guarantee that you would not be living in his basement when you were thirty years old. So he was more, “You need to take a computer class,” or “Why don’t you learn—?” Well, it was really always computers, you know.

Chapter 16: Computers and colonoscopies.

Sedaris: You know, my dad nagged me, nagged me, nagged me, nagged me, nagged me to get a colonoscopy, and so I got one. And I wrote a story about it in the book. And I talked to him the other day and he said, “When are you going to get your prostate looked at?” So he’s just moved on to that. That’s what he does in his old age: he just nags us.

And the colonoscopy, OK, they gave me good drugs, and so it was worth every minute of it. But they don’t give you anything for your prostate, do they? It would be a little bit embarrassing. Like, I don’t even know where my prostate is, OK? But I was having a problem, like my bicycle seat hurt, and so I thought, “Maybe that’s my prostate.” I went to a doctor in France, and they put jelly on my stomach, so they did an ultrasound, I guess, of my prostate. He said it looked fine to him.

Chapter 16: The French doctors didn’t seem too concerned about anything you threw their way.

Sedaris: I think part of it is that they don’t have the lawsuits that we have here. An American doctor has to worry that unless he offers all these solutions, that you’re going to turn around and sue him. I had a lipoma, which is just a fatty tumor, but I didn’t know that; I thought it was cancer. And so I went to my French doctor, and he said, “Ah, that’s just a fatty tumor. Dogs get them all the time. I wouldn’t worry about it.” And I said, “Well, can I have it removed?” And he said, “You can if you want to, but….” He made it sound like I was just being vain, and it’s like a deviled egg tucked under my skin.

Interestingly enough, I wrote a story about my lipoma, and then I was on stage one night in the United States, and a veterinarian came and he said, “I’ll cut that out of you tonight.” His office was half an hour away from the theatre, and I don’t know how to drive a car. And I said, “Well, you know, I’m not going to get finished here until probably around midnight, and then I don’t really know how to get to where you are.” And he said, “I’ll do it right here. I’ll cut your lipoma out right here.” And I was so mad that I didn’t take him up on it. I didn’t want to get pus on my sheets in my hotel. But wouldn’t it be fun to be operated on by a veterinarian?

Chapter 16: That’s three more stories right there.

Sedaris: I want to have my lipoma taken out, and I want to feed it to a dog. Because you know it would eat it, right? I mean, all you got to do is throw it in the air, and the dog will eat it. Wouldn’t the dog eat your tonsils, too? I don’t think a cat would, but a dog would.

Chapter 16: Are you going to get John Waters to film this?

Sedaris: I am determined—I mean, I am in no hurry to get my lipoma removed, but when I do, I am determined to feed it to a dog.

Chapter 16: Since you did live in France for a while, do you have any feelings about Dominique Venner, the right-wing historian who committed suicide to protest gay marriage last week?

Sedaris: France is kind of getting a bad reputation over that. A lot of people heard about the protests in Paris that were against gay marriage, but they didn’t hear about the massive, massive protests in favor of it.

This often happens in Paris. It could just be any day of the week, and you go to the movies or something, and then you’re coming home, and it’s like, “God damn it, there are tens of thousands of people marching down the street. How am I going to cross it? How am I going to get home?” And it usually takes a while to figure out who they are and what their complaint is. And I saw banners, you know, for people who work for the electric company, and people who are printers, and people who put money in ATM machines. They were all marching in support of gay marriage. They weren’t gay, you know. They were just regular French people. So it’s really a pretty small group that’s against it.

And I actually think it would be a great idea if people who were against gay marriage killed themselves. I think more of them should do it, actually. I hope he starts a trend.

Chapter 16: And it’s ironic that he does it in Notre Dame, and suicide’s a mortal sin. He’s committing a mortal sin to object to other people’s supposed sin?

Sedaris: None of it makes any sense to me. I mean, it doesn’t make any sense to me that people are against it. I think gay marriage should be legal everywhere and that no gay people should act on it. Because I think even the most ardent homophobe had to agree that one good thing about gay people is that they did not force you to go to their weddings. Nobody wants to go to a wedding. You know, I’m signing books sometimes, and I’ll meet someone who is engaged, and I tell them that their wedding guests would gladly pay double if they would elope. Because nobody wants to get on a plane and go halfway across the country and stay at some Radisson, you know, and choose between the beef and the chicken, listen to a really bad band play music all night while lots of people have their pictures taken. Who needs it? I’m certainly not going to get married.

Chapter 16: Destination weddings really get on my nerves.

Sedaris: I just don’t think it’s fair. I mean, so you love somebody: great, keep it to yourself. One thing that drove me out of my mind in France was all the kissing in public. And it’s not just French people who do it. Other people go and then they figure it’s part of the experience, like they should be doing it, too. But it’s just awful. You know, you’ll be in line at the grocery store, and the couple in front of you will go at it, or you’re in line for the movies, or you’re on a train, and it’s just disgusting to me.

Chapter 16: Is it just the aesthetic non-appeal of it, or is it like, “Oh, I’m supposed to be not as happy as these people are right now.”

Sedaris: I love judging people who walk and text at the same time, right? But if I ever walk and text at the same time, I won’t be able to judge them, and it will all be over for me. And I’ve never kissed in public. Being gay and growing up in North Carolina, it wasn’t an option, holding anyone’s hand or kissing someone. You just couldn’t do it. It’s one of those things in my life I have never, ever done. So it’s kind of too late for me to take it up, you know? But what bothers me is the noise of it. And I could put on my Walkman—I mean my iPod—and I can turn it all the way up, and I can still hear people—that sucky noise, you know, that takes place when people separate for a breather.

Chapter 16: You live in England now. What do you think of UKIP’s victories—the UK Independence Party, the anti-immigration party, winning in so many local elections in the past couple of weeks—and their leader Nigel Farage?

Sedaris: Oh gosh, I haven’t been following that at all. I’ve just been on my tour and so I haven’t been following it. Since Hugh and I moved to England, he can tell you everything about the coalition government, but he kind of made that leap in a way that I didn’t. He doesn’t know anything that’s going on in the United States. So I tend to follow American news, and he follows English news, and we kind of catch each other up.

Chapter 16: It’s just that since you’re an immigrant living in England I just wondered how you felt about the anti-immigration party.

Sedaris: I have a green card in England, and my passport got stolen, and the Home Office was like 300,000 cases behind. And a lot of people in the Home Office, like the person who was in charge of visas and green cards and stuff, got fired, and it was just a big scandal. But it’s a pretty small country, right? London has a thirty-nine percent immigrant population. So in London you never think anything about being foreign. Or you can go all day without talking to an English person. But in West Sussex, where Hugh and I have a house, everybody is English, and you really notice it there.

But because the economy is so bad in, really, most of Europe right now, if you’re a young person in Greece or in Spain, there’s not a job for you. In Italy, the same thing. You need to leave. And so young people with any talent are fleeing, and a lot of them are coming to England. A lot of people are upset about that. That said, they’re more upset about brown people. You know what I mean? They’re really upset about, like, Muslims immigrating.

Chapter 16: So, you’ve talked about your love for Christmas, and you do a lot of travels. Have you run across any holidays in other countries that you wish you had in England or in America?

Sedaris: Hm. Well, I like the part of a Christmas celebration in northern Spain. You get a log and you feed it milk for a week. And then on Christmas Eve you beat the log with a stick, and you sing a special song that translates to, “Shit, log, shit. Shit, log, shit. Shit me a present or I’ll beat you even harder.” And then the log defecates gifts for you. Of course a log doesn’t really defecate, so the kids will beat the log with the stick and then the parents will say, “Ooh, I think I hear someone at the front door.” Or, you know, just get the kids to scram for a minute, and then they make it look as if the log has defecated gifts for them.

I don’t know what’s crazier about that story, the fact that a log would drink milk? The fact that it would defecate? Or the fact that it would care if you beat it with a stick? I mean, it’s a log. If you went after it with an axe I could see, you know, that it would put up a fuss. But a stick? That’s the thing that’s most puzzling to me.

Chapter 16: Well, it’s like beating someone with their own amputated arm.

Sedaris: Or a finger. France has a lot of holidays, especially in August. I mean, August is a holiday month, but then there are holidays during the holiday month. In May there are a lot of holidays. And there are little religious holidays. No one goes to church any more, but don’t you dare try and take away their religious holidays. But they always sneak up on me. So when I was living there, you just always had to make sure you had food in your freezer. Because there’s just so many times when you would wake up, and it would just be one of those crazy holidays and everything’s closed. And you’re just out of luck if you’re not stocked up.

Chapter 16: I lived in Germany for a while, and in Germany you’re responsible for throwing your own birthday party, and my birthday was on Good Friday, and everything is closed on Good Friday there.

Sedaris: Oh, that’s so interesting to me, that you throw your own birthday party in Germany. I love Germany. I love going there. I get to go back in September. I tried to get Hugh to move to Germany but he’s pretty settled into West Sussex. He says he’s not moving again. But I would like to go there for an extended period of time. It’s really an interesting place to me.

Chapter 16: What’s your favorite part?

Sedaris: I like Freiburg and Ravensburg. I think it would be easier, too, in Germany because everybody speaks such beautiful English. I think your best bet, if you wanted to learn it, would be to live in a small town—a village, really. Because otherwise, everybody just wants to speak to you in English there. I like the north, too. I like that north coast. That’s an interesting area to me. I’ve been all over the country. For some reason, my books do very well in Germany, and so when one comes out, I go on a tour and just always have a wonderful time.

I love that campaign in Germany to get guys to sit down while they pee. There will be stickers in the bathroom and notices in the bathroom, and there’s a picture of a guy standing up to pee with the international symbol of “No” above him. I mean, that circle and a slash through him. But really, when it comes down to it, that’s really the only real benefit of being a man, is that you get to stand up while you pee. I don’t think you’re going to successfully take that away from us.

Chapter 16: (chuckles) And German toilets with that strange shelf they have in the bowl.

Sedaris : Yeah, like a little observation station.

Chapter 16: And did anyone teach you how to lay the toilet paper down on top of it so you didn’t have to worry about using the brush afterwards?

Sedaris: No. You put the toilet paper, what, down first?

Chapter 16: A couple of sheets of toilet paper down on the shelf so you don’t have to worry about using the toilet brush afterwards.

Sedaris: That’s so interesting to me. Wow. I just learned something. No one explained that to me. I’m so glad I learned that.

Chapter 16: Well, we look forward to seeing you in a couple of days in Nashville.

Sedaris: Last time I was in Nashville I had some of that Jeni’s ice cream. I had the best ice cream of my life when I was in Nashville, and I’m looking forward to that. I want to go to Nashville and I want to sign books and I want to eat ice cream while I’m signing books. That’s what I want to do. Maybe I can give someone a few bucks to run out and buy some for me.